In the realm of mental health, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is a condition often associated with compulsions such as checking locks, cleaning rituals, or repeatedly checking the gas or geyser. Apart from all these, there is one more thing about which very few people know. But it has a profound effect on our relationships and due to lack of knowledge about it, relationships often reach the verge of breaking. This form of OCD is called Relationship OCD (ROCD), and it involves persistent, intrusive thoughts about a person’s romantic relationship, accompanied by a series of compulsive behaviors aimed at reducing the anxiety these thoughts provoke. A person suffering from ROCD keeps having doubts about his partner and the relationship between them.
What Is Relationship OCD?
Unlike normal relationship doubts that can be common in relationships, Relationship OCD is characterized by excessive, uncontrollable questioning. These individuals may spend hours or days contemplating whether their relationship is right, sometimes engaging in mental rituals to reassure themselves. This leaves a deep impact on the individual’s mind and psyche which increases over time and the person becomes surrounded by many types of worries and depression. Therefore, it is important to understand it well as it affects not only you but also your friends and family.
They often feel trapped in a cycle of doubt, questioning every interaction, every glance, and every word from their partner.
For those with Relationship OCD, no reassurance is enough. Asking their partner repeatedly for confirmation or seeking external validation may provide temporary relief, but it is fleeting. The individual finds themselves caught in a loop of reassurance-seeking, never able to quiet the persistent nagging feeling that they may be in the wrong relationship. They often spend time wondering whether their partner is right for them or whether they are not stuck in this relationship.
Emotional Turmoil: The Need for Perfection
People suffering from Relationship OCD often want their relationship to be perfect. Flaws in the relationship fill them with doubts. This perfectionism leads them to overanalyze even the smallest details of their relationship—something as minor as a partner forgetting to send a text or having a bad day can spiral into doubts about the entire relationship. These individuals may ask themselves, “If my partner truly loved me, wouldn’t they remember to do this?” This kind of analysis leads them to despair, and the problems begin to seem so big that there is no solution. In addition to analyzing their partner’s behavior, a person suffering from ROCD begins to doubt his own behavior. He constantly wonders whether he himself is responsible for these shortcomings. Whether he is making full efforts to keep the relationship running well or not.
Common Symptoms of Relationship OCD
Like other forms of OCD, Relationship OCD manifests itself through a series of repetitive thoughts and behaviors. Let us understand these symptoms in detail:
Intrusive Doubts: A person suffering from ROCD is always worried about the questions arising in his mind whether his partner loves him or not or whether he loves his partner with all his heart or whether both of them are in this relationship out of compulsion. Recurring such thoughts is a common feature in Relationship OCD.
Perfectionism: A person suffering from ROCD always wants perfectionism in a relationship. Even a small mistake or negligence on the part of the partner like not calling to ask about their well being or not remembering their special days makes them extremely anxious.
Constant Reassurance-Seeking: People with ROCD keep asking their partner for assurances that he/she really cares for them or is not just attached to them, that he/she still has love for them in his/her heart. And they feel relieved when they get a positive response. But this too is only for the short term.
Mental Compulsions: A person suffering from ROCD is in a judgemental state. He/she keeps trying to guess from past experiences and partner’s behavior whether he/she is in a good relationship or not. He/she keeps comparing his/her relationship and partner’s behavior with others and keeps collecting evidences to prove that his/her relationship is right or wrong.
Emotional Detachment: With time, due to doubts that have settled in the mind, the person starts doubting that their relationship is not right and all this gradually makes him emotionally detached from his partner. He is not able to keep the same feelings for him as before and all this hurts him more.
The Impact of Relationship OCD on Relationships
1. Straining Communication and Trust
- The constant reassurance-seeking by the person with ROCD can lead to frustration for their partner.
- Over time, the partner may feel invalidated or exhausted, unable to meet the emotional needs of their loved one.
- This creates emotional distance and trust issues, with both partners feeling misunderstood and isolated.
2. Intimacy Issues
- Emotional detachment caused by ROCD makes it difficult to be present for physical or emotional intimacy.
- The anxiety surrounding the relationship can overshadow natural affection and connection.
- As a result, the partner may feel neglected or disconnected, creating an imbalance in intimacy.
3. The Risk of Breakups or Emotional Withdrawal
- The constant cycle of doubt and anxiety can make the relationship feel unmanageable for the person with ROCD.
- The partner who constantly reassures may feel emotionally drained and unable to provide the necessary comfort.
- This emotional exhaustion can lead to breakups or emotional withdrawal from one or both partners, further deepening the divide.
Treatment for Relationship OCD:
Finding Peace Within Yourself and Your Relationship
With the right therapy and support, individuals can regain control over their thoughts, reduce compulsive behaviors, and ultimately improve the quality of their relationship. Some main treatments are as follows:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, a type of psychological treatment that helps people manage their problems by changing negative patterns of thinking and behavior. During CBT, the victim is taught to get rid of negative thoughts and control his feelings. CBT theorizes that our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are all connected, and that changing negative thought patterns can lead to changes in feelings and behaviors.
In CBT, individuals work with a therapist to identify and challenge negative thoughts and beliefs and replace them with more positive, realistic ones. It’s often a short-term, structured therapy that involves setting goals, learning coping strategies, and practicing skills.
Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP)
A specific type of CBT called Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) is particularly effective for treating OCD. ERP involves gradually exposing the individual to the source of their anxiety—in this case, the obsessive thoughts about the relationship—without allowing them to engage in compulsive behaviors like seeking reassurance. Over time, ERP helps individuals learn to tolerate uncertainty and discomfort, thereby reducing the power of their obsessions. In this way a person goes through these incidents and learns to control them.
Couples Therapy
Couples therapy can also be beneficial, especially for those whose relationships have been affected by ROCD. A therapist can help both partners understand the condition, communicate effectively, and develop strategies for navigating the challenges that arise from ROCD.
Conclusion: Finding Peace and Clarity
Living with Relationship OCD is a daily struggle, one that can cloud the joy and fulfillment that should come with romantic relationships. However, with the right treatment and support, it is possible to find clarity, rebuild trust, and embrace a healthier way of relating to both oneself and one’s partner.
If you or someone you know is struggling with Relationship OCD, it’s important to reach out for help. Treatment, whether through therapy or medication, can provide relief and help individuals regain a sense of peace and connection in their relationships.
The journey may be long, but with the right tools, it is entirely possible to overcome the grip of obsessive doubts and build a fulfilling, loving partnership.